At the very beginning, at the start of my “new spiritual life,” everything was confusing and terrifying. I had found myself in the ditch on the side of the road, all by my hand. The way I had been living was no longer working, and the evidence was clear that it never was going to; the evidence was overwhelming bad, and hopelessness was all I had left.
Despite all that, I was still not entirely on board with surrendering self-will and accepting dependence on a higher power. My worries were twofold: COULD I even do it; two, IF I DID, would it work for me? I could see from the lives of others that it was possible, but perhaps I had gone too far off the road and too deep into the ditch. I knew there were chosen people. I just believed I could not be one of them.
My first worry: Could I do it resolved itself over time, as I acted as if with whatever willingness I could muster at the moment, each moment; some days were better than others.
My second worry: Would it work, even for me? Despite me? I required proof for this one. The confirmation came in tiny, unnoticed increments. At some point, unrecognized, it changed. It changed from is it possible, to dependable and sure.
For me, this photo symbolizes that dependence or reliance on a higher power.
I titled it “Interminable” because, after years of proof under fire, I now know that the bond is solid, powerful, and unbreakable.
-with a caveat: it is all these things as long as I allow it. It is only I who can easily unhook at the top; from below. I have to choose each day and at every instance.